The subject of leadership “and symbiotic submission” has been one of much misinterpretation over the centuries. I struggle to contain my frustration each time I see leadership misused or misunderstood. With just a little study and objectivity we can very quickly see that true leadership is a very different proposition to what our brains normally relate leadership to. I suspect the enemy has been hard at work here, and he has an advantage!

Domination, A Fleshly Struggle.

I did not have to search very long to find a study source to show my argument. In a recent 2015 paper written by a number of scientists at Havard the following excerpt was found,

“Studies of infant cognition indicate that the cognitive machinery for mentally representing dominance is used to formulate expectations about the social world already in preverbal infants as young as 6-10 months of age”

Human men are naturally dominate, and it isn’t all good. We see as early as the second generation of humans in Genesis 4, Cain committed murder simply because he did not get what he wanted. Indeed, sin had created an inherent dominate nature in man. It is then no surprise that we find dominance in babies that are 6 months old. The same cannot be said of women, in fact the largest differences our psychologists can find between men and women are the following,

• Women naturally tend towards caring and nurturing
• Women are far more agreeable than men
• Women do not often display physical aggression as a default when they are upset
• Men naturally tend towards things and objects.
• Men are far less agreeable than women
• Men more quickly revert to physical aggression as a default when they are upset

It is then, no surprise that men have confused dominance with leadership. In fact, dominance has no place in biblical leadership, and it is a trait that men must first recognize as in inherent part their sinful nature, then eliminate.

In the Business World, Follow the Leader.

The business world has figured this out, and it is paying huge dividends for those who invest in the time and training. I have spent many years running companies, from the early 90’s till current, and I can tell you things have changed. In the 90’s companies were spending big on replacing staff that would often leave companies because their boss was a manager, not a leader. Simply put, people leave bully bosses they don’t leave companies.

The highest performing organization on the planet has also figured this out, The American Navy Seals places a higher emphasis on leadership and trustworthiness than performance. Imagine that, these guys would rather be in a trench with bullets flying over the heads with a guy next to them that wasn’t the best shot, but the guy they could trust as a strong leader!

Many large corporations are getting rid of the Manager. The strong headed dominate order giver is no longer the successful authority. Companies have long paid the cost of large staff turnover, large new staff training costs and lost productivity because their high performing valuable staff leave the company because the boss is basically a bully. The irony here? All of this is due to sin, men need to control the bully in themselves!

The Godly Leader, its all in the Title.

God called husbands to lead, not tell, this isn’t a managers job! When you think about it, its pretty hard to miss, its actually in the title. Leaders do the following,

• They lead
• They listen
• They plan
• They step first
• They promote
• They invest
• They empower
• They educate

A strong leader will always “Weekly” check if their family members are healthy, spiritually okay, on track with the plan, not being attacked by the enemy, and feeling empowered. When challenges come, to cross the proverbial crack in the road they are right there in front making sure their family unit feels safe.

Leaders instruct with softness; their families feel a desire to comply with directions of their authority. They often will sit with their wife or child and tell them why a decision has been made, not just tell them what to do. They will listen to their family, they are genuinely interested in what their wife and children are feeling and have to say irrespective of the fact that they know better. The wife and child of a leader will feel that they are more important than the leader by his actions. Leadership is a skillset that can take many years or decades to master.

A biblical leader is not a dominator. He is not simply a person that is there to bark out instructions irrespective of how these instructions will affect his wife or children, or how it will make them feel.

There is a significant calling on the biblical leader of the family unit. The word of God gives men a tall order to fulfil in their leadership. The following is the Biblical calling upon you as the Leader.

1 Provision

• 1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

So, provide financially for your wife and children, or be worse than an unbeliever, simple! Is the wife supposed to work? That is up to you husband, but, is the wife responsible for the provision of the home? NO! That is 100% your responsibility.

2 Love

• Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Okay, I’m not even sure how to explain to the men that are reading this how to achieve this one. We as leaders are to love our wives “the same” as Christ loved the church. I am certainly not speaking from a position of achievement here, but I can say this, Build a plan, set your target on loving your wife as Christ loves his church, and continually better yourself. Every time you come up short, recognize it and keep bettering yourself.

The measure here is not how close you are. The measure is that you are not prepared to accept the status quo as acceptable. Even if you think you’re doing enough, you’re not! How do I know this? You’re not Christ and therefore have not fulfilled Ephesians 5:25.

3 Honor

• 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Leader, your wife does not have your emotional or physical strength. The word of God calls you to know this, have the knowledge of your wife’s capacity, her limits, and honor her in her limits.

Don’t Do as I Do

Have you ever heard a father say to his child, do as I Say not as I do? Have you ever watched a man give Christian advice to someone whilst their family unit was in a pile of rubble? I personally find this reprehensible. A leader should lead by example, if he wishes for his family to not use vain words, he himself should never use a vain word. If he decides his family will not drink alcohol, he himself should not drink alcohol. If he would like to give Godly advice to his fellow brother or sister, he should first invest this into his family unit.

Any attempt at commanding the family unit to follow an instruction whilst the leader himself “does otherwise” is nothing more than a feeble attempt destined for failure. If you somehow manage to pull this off, all you have taught your wife and children is that its all a show. Your wife will not respect you, and worse still your children will grow up and act in the same manner. A Godly leader first demonstrates by example.

Delivered Purity

There is nothing more attractive to a woman of God than a leader who turns his eye from impurity. This is of extreme importance, and an area where the enemy will attack the man. As the leader, your actions will dictate the level of purity that the family unit will uphold. Remember, your wife is the weaker vessel, and requires strong leadership in this area. Set the goal on the word of God, turn your eyes from all impurities, set the bar high and check often. Small things like television shows and social media can undermine weeks or months of work in minutes. Don’t ever disregard the importance of maintaining a high level of purity within your family unit.

• Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
• Ephesians 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
• Ephesians 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
• Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Immerse yourself and your family unit in the word of God. Lead by regular reading of the word of God, with interaction with your family. Gove absolutely no room at all for the enemy to enter.

• 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour

Conclusion

Being a leader is not something that is obtained in a moment. When you are married, you are certainly not an instant successful leader. This is a skillset and a target that we need to work towards. Gods word is precise and all sufficient in its calling on us men to become strong leaders for our wives and children. Don’t compromise, study the word of God, set your target on the type of leader you want to be in line with Gods word, I Promise you, you will not regret it.