Let us assume for a moment that we are starting a new job, we arrive onsite, and the boss introduces us to our trainer and thus begins the normal 2 to 5 days integration into the company. We are given several documents, including our contract, the do’s and do nots of the role, and safety rules of the company. What follows is training in the processes of our new role, and we learn how to process each task according to the company rules. Ask most people about how they would approach or handle this scenario, and they would tell you that they would eagerly listen, understand their responsibilities so they can achieve success in their role and make a name for themselves in the company.
The sad reality is, most if not all humans who embark on the wonderful journey of marriage know far less about the rules of marriage than they do the rules of their work, or even the basic road rules wherever they live. How is it that becoming a member in the most important institution of our lives, we fail to learn the basics.
The Why
Us humans have a unique trait, as a general concept we live our lives by feelings. Even speaking with Christians, I find that the majority make decisions on what they “feel” is correct. In the above scenario we don’t have that option, succeeding at a new job, or getting your license is not a feelings-based venture, if requires dedication and study to know the rules which is why we default to success in those environments.
- Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
The word of God is clear, we cannot and should not trust our feelings when making life decisions! Our own hearts deceive us, and lead us astray, How then should we approach marriage?
The bible includes an exhaustive list of rules for marriage, and almost all of the list does not have anything to do with how we feel. They are not all listed in one place, and sometimes they require a small amount of critical thinking to interpret, but you can be sure that as humans we do not need to wonder or guess about what we should and should not do in our marriages.
Rule 1: God Owns Marriage
- Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
- Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth
- Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
- Colossians 1:17 And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.
God is clear, marriage is an institution made by him, and for him. It is an institution made for a man and a woman, to be joined together as one flesh. It is not something that can be changed irrespective of how humans feel or what humans want, anything outside these parameters no longer holds the status of marriage.
Rule 2: Woman is for the Man
- Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
- 1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
- Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Women, you are created for man, to be his helper and to be there for him in his cause. In marriage you are not equal, this isn’t a democracy, and you don’t have voting rights. Society does not like this, and the enemy is doing everything he can to weaken the strength of the leader of marriage. Wives, if you are honest with yourself, even if you are not Christian, deep down in your soul you will be able to find a desire for your husbands rule over you. This feeling is God breathed, a consequence of sin, and a necessary component of life until Christs return.
Rule 3: Leadership & Submission
In every relationship there is a leader, sometimes it is biblically correct and advantageous, and sometimes it isn’t. The bible calls for the husband to be the leader, and the wife to be in submission to her husband.
- 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
- Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
There are two reasons why God called for this order.
1: Woman was created for man
- 1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man
2: The woman is the weaker vessel
- 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
- 1 Timothy 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
The wife requires strong guidance, as she is the weaker vessel. Society tells us woman and man are equal, God tells us they are not.
Rule 4: Family Hierarchy
Children submit to Parents
The wife submits to the Husband
The Husband submits to Christ
Christ submits to God
Rule 5: The Husband Holds and Protects the Wealth
- Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.
- Exodus 21:10-11 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.
- Exodus 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.
- Proverbs 13:22 A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just.
- Ecclesiastes 5:19 Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God.
God installed the husband to protect and guide the family, he is to hold and protect the wealth. Do not confuse this with God ordaining ungodly men in this fallen world who do not do the right thing with money and their family, he does not condone what is going on in this world today.
Rule 6: Children are Property
- Exodus 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.
The bible uses the word h1167 for husband. This word ba’al or בַּעַל in context literally means,
- owner, husband, lord
- a husband
- ruler, lord
Now let’s combine this with what the bible says about the husband wife relationship,
- Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
- Ephesians 5: 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
- Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
- Titus 2: 4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
The husband owns the wife and children; however, these are not similar relationships. The bible states that a husband is one flesh with his wife, he is to die for her. He is not one flesh with his children, and he is not to die for them. Notice in Titus that a wife’s love is first to her husband, and their only authority is the husband, not the children.
Do not elevate your children to a status close to that of your wife. Wives your children are not your lord, do not elevate them to a status close to that of your husband. The one flesh union between the man and wife is to take priority in every case.
Rule 7: Family Umbrella – External Family not Allowed
This paragraph will be brief, the bible does not mention or allow the extended family to influence or guide your marriage, or children’s upbringing. This is the husband’s job. It gives no allowance for extended family to be, or partake in the family umbrella, and does not allow the wife to seek unwise or ungodly counsel from extended family members when she doesn’t like or agree with her husband’s rule.
Rule 8: Belief in the Inspired Word of God
- 1 Corinthians 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
The husband and wife are obviously both supposed to be saved in a Christian marriage. The bible calls for the wife to learn “anything” directly from the husband. The pair should both believe wholeheartedly in the inspired word of God.
Rule 9: Feelings Aside, Love Provides
A husband’s job is vast, primarily though we can state that he must do his job irrespective of his feelings. If he has a disobedient wife, he must provide, if he has an argumentative wife, he must provide, if he has a sinful wife, he must provide. The word of God gives him no easy out on these responsibilities.
- 1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
Now, the act of provision is neither acceptance nor tolerance of disobedience or rejection of his authority! A husband’s job is to maintain order in his household, and there are many ways to continue provision as a husband whilst also maintaining order in the home. For more on this see our article “How to control a disobedient wife” in our articles page.
Rule 10: Women at Work
The bible is clear, we are to eat not the bread of our idleness. Men and women, husbands and wives are to all work. We are not to work equally, or in the same areas, but we are commanded to work, hard and long!
- Genesis 3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;
- 2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.
- Proverbs 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
- Proverbs 31:18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
- Proverbs 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
The wife is certainly commanded to work; however she is nowhere commanded to be the providor! The husband chooses what his wife shall do for work, and he must choose carefully so his home and children are properly cared for. A wife is not under any circumstances allowed to be or remain idle. Notice Proverbs 31, not only is the wife to work, her work starts before sunrise, and ends well after sun fall, whatever the husband chooses for his wife’s work, it should be a 12 hour daily commitment.
Conclusion
This is not an exhaustive list of rules for marriage, nor does it lay out every case where a husband has authority, or what the word of God calls on the married couple. It is however a starting position on several key topics where society and the enemy has destroyed the Godly marriage. If we choose to live our lives Gods way, many of the problems that married couples experience in this modern world disappear. It is then not ironic that as the world falls and moves away from Gods word, marriage breakdowns and divorce rates skyrocket.